Bridget J, PAMy name is Bridget and I am the founder of The Consent Caravan.
Consent to me means not pushing. I think most girls and women know what I am talking about. A guy tries to do more with you but you say no so he tries to convince you. "Come onnnn! Just once! You're such a tease. You are so beautiful!" No means no. It does not mean flatter me until I say yes. It doesn't mean I want you to wear down my nerves until I say yes. It means no. Simple. There are obviously other important examples of consent, but I feel like this one doesn't get much attention. I think consent is an important topic to talk about because we deserve to feel safe and secure in our bodies. I want girls to be able to walk through this world, ready to take it head on, because they don't have to worry about their body being violated. |
Rachel C, PAWhy is it important to teach boys about consent?
"As with most things, kids learn by watching and observing others. Unfortunately, a lot of what’s being conveyed in the world through the media, role models, outdated philosophies, etc. gives a message to boys that consent isn’t always necessary – when it is. It’s important to teach boys, just like we should with girls, that there are boundaries and they should be respected. That their bodies are personal and should be protected just as much as girls’ bodies. Both my son and daughter equally get to decide if they’re comfortable giving hugs and kisses, being tickled, etc." How do you think rape culture and consent are related? "Whether a person screams “NO!” or timidly shakes their head and cowers to advances, it should be read as the same: your advances are not wanted - stop. For some reason though, it seems that the less adamant the “No”, the less believable it is to the aggressor: “they must want me to persist”… or even more awful – no consent is able to be given because the person is unconscious. In either scenario, the importance of consent is being undermined which leads to this rape culture where the aggressor thinks it’s ok to still proceed. If someone isn’t saying Yes – it’s a no, plain and simple." |
Emily m, nyWhat does the word consent mean to you?
"Consent means the act was discussed and fully confirmed before it happens. Whether it is as soon as foreplay starts or even after a few drinks at dinner, both parties must be on a complete parallel understanding of what will happen . There are still ways and techniques to make the act of asking sexy. Use them." When it comes to men in New York and Philadelphia, do you see a difference in their reaction to rape and sexual assault? Does one group seem more sympathetic or more prone to victim blaming? "There is a major difference between the men of Philadelphia and the men of New York as far as understanding the severity of the situation. New York as a place is more exposed to differentcultures, genders, sexual orientations, etc causing its resident to gain more knowledge and understanding of their surroundings and what is actually going on out there, including rape. Philadelphia areas tend to be very uniform. I grew up in an all Irish Catholic area where things were hushed and not often talked about. However, rape culture is still an issue in NYC. As the girlfriend of a stand up comedian, I attend a lot of comedy shows where rape is still used in jokes. Although intentions to make light of the situation seem harmless, they are just as clueless as Philadelphian men that they are contributing to rape culture." |
Mary L, PaWhy do you think more children aren't taught about consent?
"I think children aren't taught about consent because many parents or educators don't know how to talk to them about it! Consent is among many topics such as death and sex that parents or caregivers don't know how to talk to a child about. I feel like these are topics that must be addressed to children because you do not want them to be scared. If a child has a question about consent I feel you must answer it and not sugarcoat it either, just explain in ways that they will understand. They need to know they have a say especially since they know the difference between yes and no." What would you say to your son if you heard him referring to a girl as a slut? "If I had a son or my future son referred to a girl as a slut I would be mortified. I would hope that I raised him correctly not to disrespect anyone. I would ask him how he would feel if someone called his mother a slut. I would explain that joking or not that word and other words could destroy a woman or girl's self esteem." |
LINDSAY E, NJAs a teacher, does there seem to be double standards for the way boys and girls are treated by their peers when it comes to sexual relationships?
"So much of what I have seen in my middle schoolers mimics music/TV/movies etc. They use the same language you hear in songs.."eat the booty like groceries" is the one that stands out the most in my memory. To me, it seemed like the girls I taught were trying so hard to be sexual early on to show the boys that they were like the girls in the media. It was disheartening and speaks DIRECTLY to the need for positive female role models in our society." Do schools teach their students about consent at all? "NO not at all. In South Carolina sex ed is abstinence education. The kids learn NOTHING about protection, consent, safe sex, etc. It is not presented at all. I'm not positive how things will look up North and if that will be different, but this goes back to the media as well because that is how kids get their info about sex/rape/consent when its not taught in schools. Parents don't realize how prevalent it is in their kids lives....they don't talk about it with them...schools don't talk about it with them....therefore the only knowledge base is songs and tv shows where women are treated like objects." |